But It Happened Anyway
by EmoLittleFangirl
Summary: Fai is hiding something from his boyfriend. The ninja can't figure out what's wrong with the blonde. Little does he know that Fai's secret could change his life forever.
1. PrologueIntro

Okay, I have BIG ideas for this story. But I wanted to hide them, so I didn't put it in the story summary. Read to find out. This is my first story of this kind, so be nice, but don't go easy on me. If I'm really messing up, I need to know.

_Rated for swearing._

**Chapter Summary**: Fai has been out of it lately, and the perfect morning is no exception. That one mark on his hand is driving him crazy. But... how important can it be?

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**Chapter 1 : A Problem**

Life couldn't get any better. Really, it was amazing. The spring morning everyone was waiting for had finally come. The beautiful white blossoms snowed down from the trees around them. The birds chirped, singing their harmonious melodies of joy. Everything seemed so alive. Even the normally irritated Kurogane was happier than usual. And why wouldn't he be? Everything was perfect. He was here with the three that had become his family after these few months. Minus the evil manjuu from hell that he was still trying to get rid of, they all mattered so much to him. Syaoran was such an admirable boy, always ready to do anything for the ones he loved and cared about. Sakura was always so happy, and not the fake happiness that the mage tried to pass off, but real joy. Her heart was pure. And then there was Fai. Fai was annoying, and deceitful, and sad, and he lied all of the time, and he didn't care about himself in the least. Despite all of this, after the journey was over, Kurogane was positive that he loved the damned magician. And it was perfectly true. They were together now, and everything was flawless.

_Shitshitshit!_

Fai glared as his reflection in the mirror. How did this happen? Were the laws of physics nonexistent on this world? I mean, sure it was possible where he was born, but things like this weren't actually normal in their current world. Shouldn't his body modify itself to match the possibilities of this world? He was a wizard for fuck's sake! But being a wizard got him into this mess, so god forbid it would get him out. _Suck it up,_ he thought, and walked outside to join the others.

"Hey, Fai," Kurogane greeted the man as he smiled. Before the ninja had a chance to register what was going on, Fai's lips were on his, with a feeling of desperation and finality that had never been there before. Fai held Kurogane in place with one hand on his back and the other behind his head. They stayed like that, unmoving, for a moment, before Fai released the taller man and pulled away.

"Are you okay, Fai?" The red eyed man was worried about his lover. What could have made him do that?

"…yeah. I'm fine," Fai replied. He had a faraway look in his eyes, like his mind was somewhere else completely.

"Are you sure? You seem kinda…off."

Fai snapped back to reality, noticing that Kurogane was speaking to him. "Of course. Hey, I'm probably going shopping before lunch, so if I'm too long, don't wait for me to eat." Fai smiled one of those sweet, wonderful, innocent…fake smiles.

With a suspicious look in his glaring red eyes, the ninja replied slowly, "I'll come with you."

That's when the magician realized how out of the ordinary he was acting. He plastered a giant, cheery smile across his face, and yelled "Yay! Kuro-koi wants to go with his kareshi!" He gave him a quick peck on the cheek and ran into the house.

When Fai got back inside, he scurried straight to his room. Fai flopped down onto his bed, trying to relax. Maybe if he didn't think about it, it would go away! He dismissed this thought and sighed. He spent a long time trying to get his thoughts in order; how it happened, why it was possible; it made perfect sense, really. He just wasn't ready to accept it. Fai looked again at the spiral on his index finger: he had been marked. The skin there was pink and raised, almost like a scar. Now, the wizard found himself wishing that it was. Ignorance, indeed, was bliss, but there was no ignoring the discolored flaw on his snow white skin. He stared at the ceiling for what felt like hours before standing and heading for the door.

"Kurogane-sama, I'm going." The mage didn't realize how everything stopped after he spoke. All of them were staring at him with the same expression. Eyebrows raised, mouth forming an "o" and gazing at Fai: they were surprised and perplexed.

"What… what did you call me?" Kurogane asked, his face still frozen in shock. Fai's face contorted in pain as he rushed out of the door, grabbing the car keys in stride. The ninja hurried after him, curious as to what was wrong, and what made him call him "sama." They had established that although Kurogane was in charge, and there was no doubt that he was, there was no reason to think that the swordsman was any better than him.

Kurogane managed to run into the garage and get into the passengers' seat just moments before Fai started driving off.

"What's going on with you? I mean, what's wrong?" Kurogane spoke calmly considering the fact that he had just almost been deserted by Fai. Said magician didn't speak, didn't look at his lover, and didn't even acknowledge that he was being spoken to. He simply kept his eyes on the road, focused on anything but his driving.

"Fai, what the hell? Are you mad at me? Did I do something wrong?" Again, there was no reply from the distraught mage. Kurogane muttered something, not meant to be heard by Fai. The blonde's ears, however, were extremely good and picked up what Kurogane had said.

"Goddamn it. He's fucking PMSing…" This _did_ get a reaction from Fai, in the form of a terrifying death glare that made the ninja cringe. Fai didn't care about the road, didn't care about driving, and didn't care about anyone else on the entire planet. He only had eyes for Kurogane at the moment, and not in a good way at all.

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Love it? Hate it? Wish it would go die in a hole somewhere? Review and tell me, preferably not in those words. The story's feelings would be hurt. Reviews are blankets, flames keep me warm.


	2. Mall

Chishio-chan/EmoLittleFangirl/ELF-chan is BACK!

Sorry SOOOOO much for the wait. My laptop crashed and then I couldn't find my flash drive and then once my laptop was finally fixed, I was at camp, but NOW, I bring you chapter two. Everyone who likes the chapter should thank my anonymous friend from school who keeps harassing me about updates, so everyone give MASSIVE thanks to Neko-chan/Kelly/InsaneNekoKitty (finally, we learn), the awesomest Neko ever.

I have this problem where I am an insane perfectionist, and I have a terrible habit of writing future chapters before I write current chapters, and I lost the pieces of paper I wrote this chappie on, so I REALLY hope this is exactly what I was thinking of doing. I know it lost some of the glitter (unnecessary stuff that made it cute), but it's still good I hope. I can't stand writing crappy stories.

**Disclaimer**: IF I, ELF owned these characters, CLAMP wouldn't. CLAMP still sure as hell owns them. If I, ELF owned Kuro-koi and Fai, this would've happened already. I don't own Twilight either. If I did, my name would be Stephenie and I'd be famous. All I own is the plot and the confusion it causes.

**Chappie Warnings:** Swearing (is that not obvious?), line-stealing, mild flirtatious dialogue (lol), confusion!, and if you don't care for short chapters, you might not enjoy. My heart and soul went into chapter three, and I wrote chapter three before chapter two, so I'm tired as I type this.

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Upon their arrival, the blue-eyed man jumped out of the car as soon as it was unmoving, and stormed off after violently slamming the door. Kurogane was left to lock up before catching up with his lover. He sprinted into the mall, catching Fai just after the entrance.

"Is there something you're not telling me?" The ninja's look was questioning. Fai just shook his head and walked into the nearest clothing store. Kurogane sighed deeply. If only Fai would tell him what was wrong!

Fai stayed true to his usual color scheme; white, blue, and black. He found a style that he really liked, and it only took about… 20 minutes. It was a slim fit v-neck. The magician dragged his favorite magician towards the dressing rooms vigorously. His mood swings were kind of giving the ninja whiplash*, but he went all the same.

"Wait out here. I need your opinion," Fai said. Then, he quickly backed into the small room and shut and locked the door. With a sigh of anticipation, he squeezed his eyes shut and slowly changed into the new shirt. When he opened them, warm, blissful relief washed over him. You couldn't tell! The shirt looked the same on him as it would any other time. He was overcome with such joy that he could do nothing but cry. Kurogane heard Fai's muffled sobs and became anxious. Fai had been really… strange lately. He hoped that the magician wasn't becoming self destructive. The ninja went towards the door just as it opened and Fai threw his arms around his lover in a warm embrace. Kurogane supported the slender man's weight and held him close. Fai peppered Kurogane's face with burning, tear filled kisses. When he pulled away, he gave Kurogane a warm smile.

He saw the slight embarrassment in his eyes. "I'm sorry, Kuro-kuro. I love you, though, more than you'll ever know." He gave the ninja a tight, tense hug, hearing him mutter a faint 'I love you, too,' as he blushed abundantly.

"So, Kuro-tan… how do I look?" He gave his boyfriend a twirl for good measure, trying to get his honest opinion. When Kurogane looked down at what the mage had put on, everything else faded. Fai's beauty was all that he could see. He did a once-over from head to toe. He looked at his gleaming blonde hair, his insanely big, beautiful blue eyes, his supple pink lips, all coming down to his delicate pointed chin. Kurogane's red eyes trailed down Fai's neck, his breath hitching when his eyes passed over the luscious curve at the bottom of his neck, right before his shoulders. He fought the urge to chuckle when he saw the faint purple remains of a love bite peeking out from beneath his shirt. He followed the path of the neckline of the shirt, lust nearly consuming him. The new top showed just enough of the snowy expanse of Fai's chest to just about give the ninja a heart attack. And how the fabric clung to his skin made the shirt Kurogane's personal heaven. He snapped out of it hearing his name being called.

"Really, what do you think?"

Oh, he thought so many things… Kawaii being one of them, but sadly that's not the one he said. Instead, in the quietest of whispers, he uttered "Iroppoi." Thanks to Mokona being in the general vicinity, the word was translated, and Fai's amazing hearing picked it up perfectly.

He made a noise halfway between a growl and a purr low in his throat. "I think you're sexy, too, Kuro-chuu." He finished with a seductive smile.

The ninja's mind was officially on overload. He was blushing, fuming, raging, lusting, screaming, and dying under the surface. And what did he naturally do when he felt that way? The ninja attacked.

He chased Fai around the dressing room area, internally rejoicing that the dressing rooms weren't monitored and that it was a secluded area. After about a minute of running, jumping, escaping, and insanity, Kurogane stopped. Fai seemed relieved that Kurogane had stopped and rested for a moment to catch his breath. When the ninja looked up to observe his lover, he couldn't stop sensing that something was wrong. Fai was breathing extremely heavily, even though they'd only been at it for a little while. The magician was athletic, lively, and energetic; he didn't get tired out after short bursts like that. But obviously he did, because here he was, looking exhausted after it. He also had a faraway look in his eye. Fai's mind was somewhere else and it was killing the ninja not to know where that might be. Snapping back to reality, Fai met Kurogane's stare.

"What… what's wrong… Kurogane?" He asked between deep breaths.

Kurogane found himself unsure how to respond. Should he reveal his observation to the man he loved, or should he let it go this time? He felt the terrible hypocrisy in what he was about to say, but didn't want to worry Fai or be too hard on him. Sure, he always promoted saying what was on his mind, but really, was it necessary at the moment? "It's… it's nothing. Just keep shopping. And do _not_ put that shirt back. We're sure as hell leaving this store with that if nothing else."

Kurogane fought the urge to blush, realizing how much he'd just told Fai about what he thought of the shirt, but thankfully, Fai simply smiled to himself, glad to be complimented by his lover who spoke nicely so rarely. He went back in, changing back into his normal shirt, and came out, looking for more clothes on the racks. About halfway through his search, he realized that his size would be drastically changing. He thought of how his slender shape might be affected by the whole… thing, and tried to decide where to look. He almost looked in the m-… section whose name he'd rather not think about, but realized how much of a giveaway it would be. He immediately started getting clothes in preparation.

Kurogane was in shock when the magician didn't try _everything_ on, but he wasn't complaining. Hell, it saved them time, didn't it? They checked out, purchasing bags of clothes (they had made a lot of money in this country), and went to the car. Fai had purchased so many shirts and jeans and pants and… it was insane! The styles ranged from the tight-fitting low cut to giant baggy long-sleeved shirts, including everything in between. As they got situated and ready to drive off, Kurogane caught a glimpse of one of the tags of the shirts. In complete disbelief, he brought the bag into the front seat with him. His eyes hadn't deceived him! And there were more that size, too! "What the hell, Fai?! You bought 2X?!?! Size small runs a little too big for you sometimes! What the hell did you buy this for?! Y–"

He looked up to see his lover's face glistening with tears. Kurogane instantly felt horrible for freaking out like that. He probably had a perfectly logical explanation, and the ninja had just spazzed out. He slid his firm hand into Fai's slender, trembling one, rubbing small circles on the back of his hand in an attempt to comfort the mage. He let go when Fai didn't respond, moving his hand up to massage his willowy forearm, in what he hoped to be a calming gesture. Fai smiled softly in a way that was so… fake.

"I'm just gaining weight. And I want to be prepared for it. Really, it's okay. I'd be shocked to see that, too." He flashed that smile again and brought Kurogane's hand to his mouth, placing a chaste, loving, emotional kiss on the back of his hand. The action was so simple, and innocent, yet so intimate that it made the ninja blush brightly as his love for the blonde flared. There was no way anyone else in the world would ever make him feel that way with such a simple gesture. He never wanted to let go of the man.

Fai started the car and set off on the drive home, wondering how long it would be before Kurogane knew the truth.

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*I was watching Twilight on a school trip when I was writing this. Could. Not. Help it.

So, yes. That is the conclusion to the terribly written insanity that is chapter two of But It Happened Anyway. I will post the next chapter after two reviews. It may be short, because it was only half of a chapter, but it was better used as a chappie in itself. Sorry for the terrible wait. If I do it again, I owe you bigtime.

**Chappie Teaser-** Weird things happen when you can't sleep. You get those feelings of desolation, apathy. Sudden urges that you'll regret… if you live past them.

~~ELF-chan


	3. Insomnia

Okay, I am being completely true to my word from now on, and when I checked, I had _**3**_ reviews for the chapter, so I'm sticking to what I said and posting it! I feel terrible for waiting that long, so… ON the bright side, I'm getting this one up pronto. ON the not-so-bright side, I self edited it, so please yell at me for grammar mistakes in reviewing. I'm a terrible proofreader.

I am using a new page break, so really, that's what the giant line of centered song lyrics with no spaces is.

**Chappie Warnings:** Suicidal thoughts, low self-esteem, sexual references, and guess what: swearing o.o

**Disclaimer:** Tsubasa Chronicles belongs to CLAMP. If I was any part of CLAMP, this would be happening in the actual manga, and I wouldn't be on here writing this crappy excuse for a story. The song 'The Last Sunrise' also belongs to someone else. Credit to the amazing band _Aiden_ for writing such an amazing song, as disturbing as it may be. The song comes off of Nightmare Anatomy. As does 'Knife Blood Nightmare' which I also borrowed lyrics from.

_I'mSoAliveMySkinSoColdAndFakeICloseMyEyesIKnowThatNow'sTheTimeToTakeMyChanceWithDeathAndRealize_

**Chapter 3: Insomnia**

After the incident at the mall and the magician's unexplained purchases, it had been quiet at the home of the travelers for the evening. Kurogane and Fai got back just in time for lunch, where Fai ever-so-graciously refused to eat… again. In an attempt to stay on the blonde's good side, Kurogane didn't press on the subject. The ninja refrained from lecturing him about taking care of himself and asking, 'why?' because he'd been there before. In his eyes, there was nothing new here. He couldn't have been more wrong.

That night/the next morning

3AM

There were three things to do at this point. Fai made a mental list.

Scream and start throwing things,

Try to sleep like he had been trying to do for the past 3 ½ hours

Go overdose on the sleeping pills that apparently had no effect whatsoever.

As appealing as death sounded, he couldn't. Well, obviously he could, but did he really want to? There was always a chance that Kurogane would accept it, maybe even _welcome _it, and… no… there wasn't. His lover would leave him on the spot, hating him for the rest of their travels. No matter how much Kurogane 'loved' Fai, news like this could… no, _would_ tear them apart. Fai _hated_ himself for warping their lives and their relationship. Kurogane had already done his- er…- part. The thin blonde reasoned all of this in his head, but could only think of the night that had changed it all. Then, his mood abruptly changed, making him even more distraught. 'Why the hell would they miss me anyway? They don't really care! None of them give a damn about me, no matter what they say,' his mind screamed. The thoughts moved Fai, and he walked into the kitchen looking for two things: a small knife, and the defective pills from hell. Both were found easily, but now his problem was different. Which should he use first? He contemplated for a while, looking at the pros and cons, before deciding that bleeding out would be a better primary. He sunk down, back against the cabinets, sitting with his knees up, forming a protective barrier to shut him out from the world he was about to leave. His heart was beating impossibly fast and his breathing was heavy. Maybe that was why he didn't hear the figure approaching as he prepared to shove the blade deep into his own skin, breaking through his fragile, beautifully white flesh, plunging into his veins. Just as the tip broke the surface, the blade was snatched out of his Fai's hand and thrown swiftly to the ground. Fai, in his confusion, found himself being dragged up into a loving kiss; not one of passion, but caring. The tender, soft lips that melded against the magician's in such adoration and frantic concern could only belong to one person. Fai opened his shocking blue eyes to see thick lashes concealing closed, worried red orbs: the beautiful face of his lover.

"Are you okay?!" Fai shrieked at Kurogane, knowing perfectly well what time it was. The taller man looked confused for a moment, but answered anyway.

"Yeah… I'm fine, why?" But Fai had already rushed down the hall to check on Sakura, Syaoran, and Mokona. When he was perfectly sure that they were all fine and out of danger, he walked back into the kitchen, shaking, his skin slick with perspiration.

"Fai… are you sure you're alright?" Worry clearly expressed itself through Kurogane's tone of voice. His lover looked like he was about to collapse, and his breathing was shallow, adding to the mass of terror and confusion in the ninja's head. He ran to Fai, guiding him towards the couch. He sat down in the corner and was nearly reduced to tears as he watched the magician crawl clumsily into his lap. Kurogane held Fai's thin waist, assisting him as he sat down, buried his head into Kurogane's chest, and sobbed. Kurogane simply stroked the beautiful blonde hair in front of him and held the smaller man close, giving him as much support as he needed. If there was one thing that the raven- haired man wanted to do, it was to take all of the wizard's burdens onto himself. If only he could! He held Fai close, even long after the wizard cried himself to sleep.

_SheSaidLiveYoungAndLeaveAWakeOfBeautyThat'sAllIEverCould'veAskedShould'veAskedFromYou_

"Tell them I'm busy!" Yuko screamed to Watanuki.

"Tell _her_ to put down the sake and get her ass over here," the ninja raged.

"Kurogane-san," Watanuki reasoned, "it's only 4:30… in the morning. And- Oh! Wait, she's coming." Watanuki had such a hard job. Store worker? No, that didn't even begin to describe it…

"Kurogane, what do you want?! Oh… you look… disheveled. Having fun with Fai?"

"Wh-what?! _No _I wasn't – look, I need to know what's wrong with him. He got all… weird. He tried to cut himself, and he freaked out trying to make sure everyone was okay, and when he came back, he was sweating and shaking and breathing heavy, and then he just… cried."

Yuko pondered for a moment before she got an idea. "Is he asleep?" She asked. Kurogane nodded. "Well go and wake him up." Kurogane looked confused and irritated, but did what he was told, desperate for an answer.

"Fai," he coaxed gently. Fai didn't budge. "Fai," he said, a bit louder this time, nudging him a bit. Still no movement. "Fai!" Kurogane nearly shouted, his pushes becoming more aggressive. What if Fai was… dead?

His pale eyelids fluttered apart, revealing his lethargic blue eyes. "Kurorin, stop _shaking_ me so much. Not right now, okay?" Kurogane breathed a sigh of relief when Fai responded and finally woke up, comforted more than ever in knowing that Fai was alright. Then, he started blushing deeply at the realization of what Fai had meant by 'not right now'. He hoped that Yuko hadn't heard or made the connection, but she obviously had seeing as she was laughing hysterically. The ninja was fuming, but overcome by his reassurance, he didn't react… not out loud at least. Fai was half asleep, so who could blame him. But when he said 'not right now'… was he thinking of Kurogane? Did he think that the ninja was so absorbed and hell bent on having sex with Fai again that he'd be that aggressive? Did he truly believe that the ninja was low enough to take advantage of his half-awareness and take him then? Was his dream something along those lines? Or… maybe he still thought of another man… Kurogane didn't know how to feel about all of those thoughts. Should he be jealous, afraid, nervous, or should he be kicking himself for seducing Fai in the first place? The ninja waited more patiently than usual for the witch to stop laughing, because no matter what, last night had still happened. Fai could be sick or have some kind of problem. Fai groggily got off of the couch to see what the conversation between his boyfriend and Yuko was about, and at the same time, genuinely regretting what he had said. In truth, Fai had been thinking of someone else when he'd said it; a previous partner who was even more dominant than Kurogane, and _very_ controlling. In his mind, being shaken awake, as a residual memory of his past relationship, still meant, 'Fai, hurry and wake up so we can have sex.' Fai hugged Kurogane and muttered a quiet but sincere apology before pulling away and giving him a sweet peck on the cheek. They had only done it once, and Kurogane had gone to sleep that night feeling terrible in fear that he had accidentally hurt Fai. Hell yes, it had hurt him, but that was completely inevitable. When it's two guys doing it, one of them gets hurt. It wasn't like it made it less fun or less pleasurable. Hell, Fai had liked it! But Kurogane intensely worried that Fai was faking feeling okay and that he'd completely ruined their relationship. It seemed like Fai hadn't been the same since.

Yuko's insane laughter had finally died down, and Kurogane simply looked at her, still waiting for her diagnosis.

"Your love just had a panic attack. He's worried about something. Keep an eye on him as much as you can, and Fai? Wake him up if you feel like that again. He's only grumpy for a little, and trust me, if it's for you, he doesn't mind. Yuko smiled, and then she was gone.

"I'm sorry. I should keep a closer watch. And don't feel so terrible. And wake me up if you need me… umm… okay," Kurogane said, realizing how much he had just voiced him feelings, "You go ahead and go back to sleep. It's too damn early for you to be awake when we aren't going anywhere special…" the ninja grumbled. Fai smiled softly to himself at how endearing Kurogane's shyness could be, and laid back down on the couch. Kurogane slept propped up on the couch, sitting with his arms folded. Fai slept on the couch behind him, his head right behind Kurogane's. Unintentionally, during the night, he wrapped his slender arms around the ninja whom he loved and never wanted to let go.

AndIWon'tForgetToWriteYouWhenIGetThereSoonCauseYou'llBeLyingDeadFromDreaming

Okay, so there you have it. I don't know what's with my endings, so… yeah I'm not sure. And I know this one's terribly short as well, but as I said, it was originally only half of a chapter. I have a request! Please review and tell me what you think is wrong with Fai! I'm eager to see your reactions and what _you_ think is going on. I know I might lose readers once the truth is exposed (next chapter) but oh well. I'll write some other random story soon enough. But yes! Looking at how he's been acting, what he's been doing, and the Chapter 4 teaser, I'd LOVE to see what everyone thinks. Just remember: In my mind, _anything _is possible. After I few diagnoses, I will continue and everyone will finally learn what's wrong with our favorite mage. ALSO, please vote on my poll over on my profile! I'm outlining another story and I really need everyone's input!

**Chapter Teaser:** The morning started out perfectly normal… that is until he started feeling terribly sick. One thing leads to another, and in the end, how will Kurogane react to Fai's shocking news that will alter both of their lives?

~~ELF-chan


	4. Feeling Sick

ELF-chan here with chapter four! There is something that I commonly see in reviews that I wanted to clear up. I really doubt anyone will care that much, but my conscience is really forcing me to, if for no other reason than my own mental gratification. I feel like a terribly inconsistent writer just because of how Kurogane is poorly, poorly portrayed in this fic. I'm not really sure what gave me this really weird idea, but I don't have a logical time-setting for the story. In my mind, I think that in starting it, they are still traveling, but they have been for a very long time. Fai's vampirism hasn't happened, Kurogane isn't terribly injured, some of the key points have been left out in the past of the story, but at the same time, I have the feeling (You read that right. I don't even know what's going on) that they're finished with their initial goal of the journey, and are looking for some slightly unnecessary (not sure, so don't ask) memories for Sakura, and in truth, they're happy with still moving on with each other. Kurogane's so out of character, in my belief, because his relationship with Fai had really seemed to progress, and they've been through so much together for so long that he's beginning to see things in a different light, speaking to him and about him differently, realizing that Fai doubts him when he's not outspoken about his feelings. This was all part of the mindset I needed him to be in to react to Fai's secret in the way that he does. In a way, I think I'm looking at this from an extremely odd point of view, but that's just my perpetually over-analytical mind acting up again. So… again, I'm really not sure that it mattered, but if it helped at all, I'm glad.

Tell Me If I Need To Edit Because I Self Edited -_- I miss things...

So, trying a different technique this time, I decided to have partners and roleplay/co-write. It was fun, interesting, and challenging to work with another who has just a vague idea, but it's so much more raw and real to me, unrehearsed. I hope you guys like!

On another note (I know this note is way too long and half of the readers just skipped to the actual chapter) I was pleasantly surprised at the number of reviewers that know what's wrong with Fai. At this point, you really have to thank my insanely cool brainstorming partners, Kelly/Neko, Nicole/Nezumi, and Alyssa/Yanki. Without them, you'd probably hate this story. So… I had this big scene planned out, but I couldn't write it in this chapter and wait another chapter to let some very insightful people know what Fai's hiding… and reveal the true genre of the story. It would've been cool, but I couldn't wait any more than necessary. Warning for some insane OOCness since I was feeling brave and decided to have one of my co-writers being someone with no Tsubasa knowledge whatsoever. I gave her a crash course, and she was still confused when I mentioned Syaoran. The first half is a little crazier than the second half, and through Kurogane's words, you can _so _tell that the other writer changed. One swears more. This entire thing was only half-written by me. One quarter of the credit goes to my amazing friend Moryn who has no account, and another quarter goes to my wonderful co-writer of original fics, xxTGIFgurlxx.

**Disclaimer:** We all know that I'm not cool or talented enough to be CLAMP. Let's face it…

**Chappie Warnings:** MUCH swearing (you've never seen the F-bomb this many times), a scene of sensuality (Always wanted to use that XD), OMG moments, breakthroughs, sickness, mild violence, attempted deceit, intense arguing, Fai's unexpected dirty-mouthed bad side, and disbelief.

Without further ado, I present the next chapter: **Feeling Sick/Unrehearsed Confession**

* * *

The morning started out perfectly normal. Fai got up and went through his usual morning routine, preparing for their day and whatever it may hold, but after a while, he felt slightly nauseated. It was a passing feeling, but he was still uncomfortable. Fai decided to sit down in case he felt sick again, gently lowering himself onto the armchair in the living room. He looked out the window, only to see Kurogane being interrupted from his training by a small, furry squirrel. He laughed at the flustered look on the ninja's face, thinking of how much he loved the man, not about how much this whole thing could hurt him. Right when Kurogane came to the door after he decided that he'd trained enough for one morning, the sick feeling came back. Lightheaded and dizzy, he quickly shuffled into the hallway towards the bathroom, knowing that the nausea wouldn't go away. His ninja realized the problem and rushed behind him, holding his hair and ushering him in. The magician fell to the toilet and heaved violently.

"It's okay," Kurogane whispered. Unlike some people, he wasn't completely sickened by the situation. He was more worried than disgusted, and feared for Fai's health. He was overcome by a terrible sadness as he saw the mage's face. It was lightly flushed with a thin sheen of sweat, mixing with the tears that were streaming down his face. Kurogane had only seen him like that once before…

But he couldn't think about that. He had to think about now. He helped the magician up and guided him into the bedroom and into bed after cleaning up. Laying the magician down, he placed a chaste kiss upon his forehead. The magician's eyes opened wide as he leaned over the bed and heaved once more, luckily into the garbage can. The ninja looked at him with sad eyes at seeing the man he loved more than anything else in pain.

A wave of feelings washed over Fai in the midst of his agony. What was he supposed to tell his lover? And when would the sickness and terror end? He dug his fingernails into his own skin, crying even harder, willing himself to stop. When Fai was absolutely sure he was finished, he turned to look at Kurogane after cleaning his own mouth. "I think I might be catching a kind of stomach flu," he said softly. Kurogane didn't reply: he just leaned in and kissed Fai hard and passionately on his tender pink lips. Fai kissed back for a few split seconds before realizing what his excuse meant. He pulled away.

"Kurogane, I'm sick! I can't let you do that to yourself, okay? It's nothing personal, but kami!" With that, the slender blonde scurried into the bathroom, in a rush to clean up yet again. Kurogane's spirits fell even lower. They shouldn't have done it. It had ruined everything. Had it really hurt Fai that much?

In the bathroom, Fai couldn't bring himself to look at his cursed reflection in the mirror. How could he have done that to the man he loved? Wasn't he supposed to be honest? Why was he so afraid to tell? But he already knew. Because he loved Kurogane with every fiber of his being, and he didn't want to lose him. Maybe he'd just have to let him go…

Kurogane stood outside the door, waiting for Fai when he heard a muffled sob. Kurogane cautiously opened the door. "Fai?"

"What?" He answered sharply. 'If I'm going to save him, I might as well get it over with now…' he thought. "Kurogane… I'm sorry, but there's something… wrong. I-"

"I know, and I'm sorry. Look, before you, I'd never been… with… another guy before. I didn't know it'd hurt you that much, damnit! Did you? You sure as hell could've stopped me. I don't… I don't like it when you're hurt… okay? Not at all…" Fai looks at Kurogane in disbelief. The ninja thought that _he_ was the reason for the magician's pain. But, in the end, it _was_ a great escape… Fai decided to go along with the ninja's misconception.

"It's okay, Kuro-chuu. Are you mad at me?" Fai asked.

"What?! Why would I be mad?!"

"I don't know, Kurotan, sometimes I don't know how you feel about me. You're always so grumpy…" Fai trailed off, his face falling. Kurogane looked at Fai, lost for words. How could he respond to something like that?

"Fai, how do you… how do you not know… how I feel?" His red eyes are confused, searching the mage's for an answer. Fai took a deep breath, composing himself, composing his reasoning, not knowing how to say exactly what was going through his head.

"Well… I don't know. Sometimes you're so sweet and other times you're begging me to leave… do you really love me?" Tears stung at the blonde's eyes as he spoke, threatening to spill over. "I mean, what if something big happens? I don't know if you'd stay with me or just shove me away." Fai thanked his lucky stars that Sakura and Syaoran weren't around.

"Fai, I love you. I can't believe I have to tell you, that you don't already know. And I promise you that I will never shove you away. I'll go through everything with and for you…" The ninja stepped forward toward the magician with open arms.

Fai blinked, stunned at the ninja voicing his emotions so openly, making such a moving, genuine speech. Salty tears ran freely down his face, and his lover held him close. Tan hands weaved through shining blonde hair, and he cradled Fai's head into his own chest, bringing a sense of protection and security. He felt the mage pull himself even closer, encircling his waist with lanky arms.

With a renewed sense of confidence, Kurogane led Fai's face to his own, kissing away his crystalline tears before pressing a tender kiss to his lips. "I love you," whispered the ninja against Fai's lips.

"I love you too," Fai replied softly.

"So, are you feeling better or worse?" Kurogane asked before claiming Fai's mouth in a kiss of pure passion. It was fervent, primal, yet it somehow expressed how they needed one another.

"Better." Fai kissed his ninja back with the same amount of urgency. "Much better."

Their kiss built in intensity with each passing moment, both of them feeling lightheaded as the seconds ticked away. Kurogane was the first to pull away, and he did so strongly. He had a purpose.

"I don't want to hurt you again," he said with finality. Fai could see that his lover was using all of his willpower not to continue what he had started. Then, Kurogane saw the look in Fai's eyes, breaking his heart, taunting him. His blonde hair was disheveled, his face flushed.

Kurogane closed his eyes, trying to strengthen his resolve, and whispered once more, "I can't hurt you, damnit!" He couldn't look at the man until the temptation passed. His eyes were still closed when Fai muttered "It all feels good," before stealing away Kurogane's determination by kissing him forcefully, sending them both into undeniable bliss. Kurogane locked his hands into the magician's blonde hair, pulling Fai's face closer to his, at the same time as Fai grabbed his waist and made their bodies one. The two stumbled through the house, edging ever closer to their shared bedroom. Outside the door, Kurogane pinned Fai against the wall. Surprisingly, Fai took control, swiftly and powerfully switching their positions so that Kurogane was trapped. Fai pulled the raven-haired man into the room, only to let Kurogane take control again, gently laying Fai on the bed in contrast to their rough contact. Both of their minds were in a lustful haze, Fai's thoroughly clouding his mind, messing with his judgment. The only thing on their minds was what was happening in the now. Clothes were shed, and many sweet sighs and low moans were heard. Kisses grew needier, leaving them pulling away, gasping for air, only to latch back together. Just when it was about to happen, Fai placed his small hand on Kurogane's broad, muscular chest.

"Kur-Kuro-pii... S-st-stop..." Fai struggled to get out.

"Come on, Fai... Don't worry," Kurogane coaxed," Everything will be ok."

"No, stop. Now," he said more firmly at Kurogane's hesitant response. "I-I-...I'm just not ready…" Kurogane looked at him, an undeniably confused and lustful look in his eyes. "I, I can't, okay?! Plus I'm friggin pregnant!" Fai exclaimed.

Fai's eyes opened wide, his mouth forming into a grim line of horror. He'd said it. That was it. No Warning, no leading up to it, he'd just...said it. Kurogane's expression mirrored the magician's. The huge orbs of his scarlet eyes shone with amazing light.

"Kurogane, I'm...I'm sorry. I never meant for it to happen. I didn't even know it could, and I just... I can't..." Tears falling rapidly down his anguished face, he muttered unintelligibly, trying to figure out what to say.

Kurogane got off of Fai. "So... That's it? You're gonna tease me for 10 minutes, and then just stop when right before we got too far?" Kurogane's voice rose. "Kuro-pii, look I'm sorry but-" Fair was cut off by Kurogane. "No, shut it. Look I know you're scared and I know I shouldn't be this furious but you can't just do that. No I don't just want you for the sex, and I'm sorry for what happened before. I really am. But can't we just have this moment..." Kurogane looked pleadingly at Fai, hoping he'd budge. He didn't want to be doing this to him, but he was too 'excited' to back down now. Waiting for what seemed like an eternity, Fai finally answered.

"Kurogane...what are you saying? Did you hear me at all?"

"Yes. I did. But you can't deny that you don't want to! You normally wouldn't go this far and not do anything. So why the hell start now?!" Furious, Kurogane got off the bed and started getting dressed. He had enough of arguing. Though this was just the beginning.

"What the FUCK?! Kurogane, do you want to kill it? Seriously, you think you might care considering it's your fucking kid, smart-ass!" He sat straight up, looking after the ninja in disbelief. Fai didn't know what he was about to do. But he knew there was no turning back. "You're claiming to not want me for sex, but your actions prove otherwise. What if the baby gets hurt or is diagnosed with some physical condition! Who's to blame for that? 'Cause I know I'm not! It's your fucking dick in my fucking ass. I'd say that'd make YOU fucking responsible!!!" Saying Fai was furious would be the understatement of the year. Words could not describe how he was feeling. Plus the pregnancy hormones added on. Kurogane looked on in utter disbelief... Then he got that glint in his eye...

With that, there were two words in the ninja's mind. Fuck. No. "What the fuck are you trying to fucking say? Mage, you are NOT fucking pregnant. Goddamn it, it's not possible. That shit is NOT happening to your body. And second, after the conversation we just got fucking finished having, you still think I'm fucking keeping your ass with me for sex? What kind of dumbass are you? I told you that I would go through _everything_, _with_ you and _for_ you. You're the one who's not fucking listening so I am NOT putting up with this bullshit," he raged.

That sent Fai off the edge. The only thing he could reach was a glass vase by the bedside. That should do, Fai thought. Without thinking through, Fai pelted the vase towards Kurogane, precisely aiming for his face. Luckily for Kurogane, he ducked. "WHAT THE FUCKING HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!?! ARE YOU FUCKING INSANE?!?!?" Kurogane was slightly nervous, but he wouldn't show it.

"DON'T YOU FUCKING GIVE ME THAT SHIT! YOU SERIOUSLY THINK I'M NOT PREGNANT?? DOES THAT GET YOU THROUGH THE DAY OR SOMETHING?!? AND IF YOU WERE FUCKING TRUE TO YOUR WORD, WE WOULDN'T BE HAVING THIS FIGHT RIGHT NOW AND YOU'D BE UNDERSTANDING FOR MY NEEDS-" Fai suddenly cracked, and started crying.

Kurogane took several deep breaths, trying extremely hard to calm down. Fai had been crying a lot, but that didn't mean he was pregnant. His hormones would be insane, so he'd have to be moody and... Kurogane quickly moved to his next point. Well, he'd be getting bigger and gaining weight, so... The ninja remembered the clothes from the mall, how he'd been refusing to eat. And the flu… He finally cracked. "STOMACH FLU?! WHAT THE HELL? YOU HAD FUCKING MORNING SICKNESS? HOW FUCKING INSANE ARE YOU? WHY THE HELL DIDN'T YOU TELL ME SOONER?! AND IT'S... wait... it's...mine?" Kurogane's eyes widened once more, realization flashing across his face. "That's what you meant when you said 'If something big happens'? You thought...you thought I was gonna leave?"

Fai took a deep breath before answering. "Of course it's your kid, you dickhead. That's part of the reason I was worried you were gonna leave. As much as you said you would be by my side through whatever, I still had... doubts... about you..." Fai had completely calmed down from crying, but he was worried what Kurogane would say.

Kurogane was just blindsided. He could not think of one good reason the mage would doubt him... EVER. "...Why...? What would make you even consider doubting me?" Kurogane slowly realized, he knew what the answer might be, but was just afraid of hearing it.

In the recesses of Fai's mind, the pregnant magician was laughing hysterically. How could he not know? All of his reasons were blatantly obvious. "You're constantly talking about how much I piss you off, and you probably weren't expecting a kid with me. Well, no, I'm _positive_ that you weren't expecting kids. And… I'm pretty sure you'd leave me in a second for your princess, too. And sometimes, I… I don't always know if I can trust that you're gay…" he trailed off, sounding so unsure that his reason lingered in the air sounding more like a question.

Kurogane sighed deeply. He knew he was right, although he didn't want to admit it. "Fai, we both know you're right. And all I can say is that I'm honestly, terribly sorry if y- no, _that_ you were hurt that I was always pissed at you. You of all people know I don't show my emotions easily, so that's really the only reason I lash out on you. And there's no way in _hell_ I would go after Tomoyo now. Because I love you more than anything. And honestly, I'm not all for males, but I'm not all for females either. I'm still between the two. I should've told you from the beginning but you and everyone else were just so proud that I "came out". I'm sorry but I'm bi and you're just gonna have to deal with it. I don't know for how long... If you can even put a limit on that, but I do know that I love you and that I never want to hurt you again."

"Look, I know. And I understand, but just so you know, I really don't care about your sexuality. At all. It's a miracle that you love me at all, so..." Fai attempted to choke back his tears unsuccessfully. They began to fall down his face, the tiny rivulets gleaming as they went over his prominent cheekbones. "And I was always proud. Even before I knew exactly how I felt about you," he continued, his voice thick.

Kurogane slowly walked over to Fai and began wiping his tears away. "Look, don't cry. And it's not a miracle that I love you..." The ninja inwardly cursed himself. He couldn't believe he was getting this mushy. "... It was… meant to be..."

Of course, thanks to the pregnancy hormones, Fai shuddered violently, sobbing. He pulled himself towards the ninja, hugging him close, willing the tears to stop flowing. "I'm sorry. I'm just so...pathetic. You don't have to stay with me. I just...I don't know..."

"I'd be a damn fool not to stay with you. You're just weighed down with all the pregnancy hormones. Here, let's just lay down and relax for a bit, ok?" Kurogane felt bad that Fai was upset, and he couldn't take this conversation anymore.

"Ok." Fai responded. So they went over to the bed and Fai cuddled into Kurogane. A moment passed and Fai began to talk. "And Kuro-pii I just wanna sa-"

"Fai," he interrupted, "don't ruin the moment, okay? Just relax. We both could use it," Kurogane pointed out. Fai simply nodded and enjoyed the much-needed moment with Kurogane. They both reflected on the recent arguement. Seeing they had flaws of their own, they made it a personal goal to fix that side of them, wanting nothing more than to be perfect for their loved one. With that Kurogane and Fai dozed of to sleep. The fight was a big one, one of the biggest they've had so far. They hoped to not go through something like that again... Hoped being the key word...

* * *

End A/N:

So, lovely people who somehow haven't given up on me (or the story), was it worth the wait? Yeah right, I know it wasn't, nothing is worth waiting that long, but Happy New Year! This update gave me hope and the writer's block has left finally. And I focused… I have this fuzzy black notebook where I write things for bandom to put on LiveJournal, and it's been getting ever last fiber of my attention (along with my relationship problems, but they have been resolved and I'M IN LOVE!) so, if you like updates, make sure you tell INK-chan (InsaneNekoKitty) to threaten to steal things/ stab me with a pen more often. It's a good motivator.

On a more on-topic note, Fai is pregnant! Yes, most of you say it coming (but honestly, in reply to a comment, I **_REALLY WANT FAI TO HAVE A BABY DRAGON NOW!)_** And yes, that's been stuck in my head, and I went and watched Eragon after reading that… So, yes! Pregnant Fai! And Kurogane is supportive! And all is right with the world… at the moment. Heh, I received a particularly inspirational visit from the demonic plot bunnies of Angstland, and we most likely have a storm coming in.

**THANKS FOR THIS CHAPTER**: INK-chan and her threats, xxTGIFgurlxx, Moryn, Natalie!, and most importantly the readers that deserve way better than me and/or anything I can give. You make posts worth it, and you're my inspiration when the bunnies are away and shunning me.

**Ending Question:** It's obligatory that I ask because it's my obsession lately, so… any Kirk/Spock fics you guys want to recommend? HAHA, I know, I'm such a nerd *shameless nerd at that* but honestly, you can do some serious damage or impacting with a fic like that… I should know, I've read a lot lately XD

Flame me, I deserve it after all this time! Although nice reviews will make me smile THIIIIIIIIS much!

~~ELF-chan


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